sexual knowledge

Sex is very good. Fact! But as the day goes on things can get a little cold and it's at these times that a little experimentation can make a lot of difference.

To help couples in long-term relationships expand their imaginations, we asked experts across the United States to share some unconventional advice. See what they have to say below.

1. Masturbate together

“How taboo to reveal your secret pleasure, isn’t it?” Touch yourself the way you normally would to reach orgasm, right in front of your partner as he or she does the same. Watching your partner and being watched excites both of you — it can feel like live pornography.” ―  Keeley Rankin ,  sex therapist, San Francisco

   

2. Direct your own sex scene

“For a couple who are used to having 'Mom and Dad' or more conventional sex, thinking about what would get them really excited about their partner can completely change the scenario. Try creating a story or movie scene out of that. Think about this scenario from beginning to end, in all the details. Ask your partner to do the same. Take turns sharing explicit details about how aroused you are, what exactly would happen, what the two of you would do to each other, and what you would be wearing, as if you were telling a story from a pornographic book or watching a movie scene. Sometimes just being really explicit about your desires and vocalizing them can be enough of a change to spark a strained relationship.” ―  Kristin Zeising, sex therapist, San Diego

3. Breathe

“Long, relaxed breathing isn't the hottest sex tip, but it's incredibly effective. Taking a few relaxed breaths can help to refocus your attention on the sensation when you are mentally distracted or anxious. Breathing can also increase feelings of arousal and bring about stronger orgasms. If in doubt, take a few deep breaths and pay attention to how your body feels. Breathing is the most underrated sexual tool out there!” ―  Chris Maxwell Rose, sex educator and creator of Pleasure Mechanics online courses

4. Perform oral sex without expecting an orgasm

“Go beyond coital-focused sex and fall in love with oral sex. Instead of the same licks and tricks, try different techniques to stimulate your partner orally, including long strokes with your tongue, lightly sucking all parts of your genitals, and exploring your partner's body with your mouth. Don't rush and don't focus on orgasm. Instead, focus on pleasurable sensations for your partner.” ― Shannon Chavez, psychologist and sex therapist, Los Angeles

5. Enjoy the foreplay

“We know from Rosemary Basson's research that often, especially for women, desire is responsive, not spontaneous. This means that willingness and being open and receptive to a sexual experience are key. When you are receptive to sexual stimulation—having your hair stroked, body caressed, and being kissed—most of the time the body responds, and it is through arousal that desire ignites.” ―  Megan Fleming, New York sex therapist and author of  Invisible Divorce: Finding Your Way Back to Connection

6. Objectify your partner

“Often, we transport ourselves into romantic love with our long-term partners and stop thinking about them sexually. In doing so, we stop objectifying them. Objectification is not always a negative thing in a healthy relationship. It can be extremely exciting and exciting. I encourage couples to bring that sassy, dirty, perverted side back into the relationship, and integrate their inner sex god or goddess into their relationship persona.” ―  Moushumi Ghose, sex therapist and author of  Classic Sex Positions Reinvented

7. Invent something only you can do

“One of the things that make sex with someone special and leave you wanting more is what only that person knows how to do. If you think about the lovers you've had, they probably knew how to do something. Pick one thing you love to do that drives your partner crazy, and do it often, with slight variation or in new surroundings. One of the most exciting things about having relationships with the same person is that you learn an unspoken language that only the two of you share, full of steamy secrets.” ―  Anne Ridley, sexologist and owner of the online erotica boutique Modern Aphrodite

8. Do it somewhere you know you shouldn't

“The monotony of the bedroom or the car can kill your sex life. Try changing the location, and I'm not talking from the bed to the floor. The next time you go to a friend's house for dinner, take a bathroom break. The next time you're in a dark parking lot, grab a quickie. It doesn't even have to be complete intercourse. Give oral sex or use your fingers to get that “stay” vibe, just like old times. The key is to create an exciting and risky experience that will spark new energy between the two of you. With luck, that energy will transfer to the bedroom.” ―  Lisa Paz, sex and marriage and family therapist, Miami

9. Stop thinking and let your body take over

“Stop judging every thought you have and worrying about whether you're having the 'right' sex. There is no right or wrong way to make love. Simply be present and aware of your body's sensations and open to exploring the range of erotic pleasures.” ― Janet Brito, psychologist and sex therapist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health, Honolulu

10. Be clingy

“Spend time enjoying light arousal when sex isn't on the menu. Many couples only worry about getting aroused when they're about to have sex—as if feeling aroused were some sort of unpleasant state that had to be relieved as quickly as possible with an orgasm. The happiest couples enjoy being aroused together, even when there's no time or opportunity to have sex—it's because they just feel good. It doesn't have to be full-on excitement – maybe you're just touching each other with your feet under the table in a restaurant.

Sometimes it can be nice to feel just a little bit excited or excited — so let the feeling go without having to walk to a conclusion.” ―  Stephen Snyder, New York sex therapist and author of Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Term Relationship